Biomedical Science Personal Statement Helping

Biomedical Sciences Personal Statement 4

Without biomedical scientists, doctors and hospitals would not be able to function properly; I would like to be part of the system that supports such a major organisation. This is why I feel studying biomedical sciences would be the best option for me.

My passion for the sciences and understanding the world around us and how it all works has only been enhanced by studying the subjects that I have chosen at A level, primarily biology and chemistry. Salters chemistry is a challenging course, however I find that it has increased my interest in the subject by applying itself to many aspects of real life situations, especially medicine and the production of drugs. By studying biology,. I feel that I have much better comprehension of the living organisms around us and the intricate and elegant systems that make us able to survive in the world we live in. Outside of school I like to further my scientific knowledge and keep up to date with the latest scientific news by reading journals such as New Scientist and the Student BMJ.

Studying maths at AS level has helped my approach and deal with situations in a more logical way, which is essential when wanting to study such a scientific course at university. Also studying history in depth at A Level has increased my critical thinking skills, especially when approaching sources of information and research. By studying a humanity I believe that I am offered various different perspectives that I may not have previously considered.

The modules I would be most interested in studying are psychology and neuroscience, and would be hoping to specialise in these areas either after my first year of study or after my degree. I would also be interested during the course to take on a language module. As I already speak Romanian fluently, I would love the opportunity to speak another modern language, for example, Spanish. Not only are modern languages very important, but it would also be a challenge to manage on top of my degree, however I feel that I would be able to handle it well.

This year at school I am history prefect. As prefect I try and encourage the younger years (years 7-8) to attend the lower school history club. I have also set up my own history media club for the GCSE years where we watch historically related films and discussing them, comparing them to the actual historical event. On a weekly basis I also attend a debating society available to those in the sixth form; this allows me to develop several key skills which are essential in life such as the ability to communicate clearly.

I have gained work experience in several medical environments, including ten days at Kings College Hospital in the general medical ward, working mainly with the student nurses and the health care assistants to help look after patients but also, I shadowed a consultant and observed several colonoscopies and endoscopies as well as spending a morning observing on the diabetic foot clinic.

Another hospital I went to for several days was St. Thomas’ Hospital where I was on the Lane Fox respiratory unit. There I observed several bronchoscopies, and also shadowed the technicians, learning about the equipment that was being used on the intensive care unit. In addition to this I worked at a GP surgery for a week, working with different staff, including the reception staff, the nurse and also sitting in with the doctor during sessions and going on home visits. They were all valuable experiences that led me to observe the doctor-patient relationship in hospitals and in primary care. I also noticed and observed the importance of the technicians other staff on the wards, and how the whole team worked together efficiently to maximize the recovery of the patients.

Being simultaneously interesting and diverse, biomedical sciences is a course I would love to study as it would further develop and fulfill my already inquiring mind with regard to the sciences.

Comments

General Comments:

Overall, this PS is poor. It is plagiarized in places and It doesn’t really show the impression that the applicant is aware of what a biomedical science degree involves. They also show clear interests in psychology, neuroscience, history and medicine, which would make the admissions tutors question their dedication to biomedical science. Their academic interests in biomedicine are not expanded on, nor the laboratory side of things. This should be the main focus of the PS. The academic parts that are discussed are obvious and not necessary, as they don’t set the applicant apart at all. There is no expansion on the question ‘why?’: why is this subject interesting? Everything needs to be related specifically back to biomedicine, with the exception of a small paragraph on extra-curricular activities. The wording is also verbose in many places and there are grammatical mistakes.

Comments on the statement:

Without biomedical scientists, doctors and hospitals would not be able to function properly; 'True, but this sounds a bit OTT. Instead, you should focus on why biomedical science interests you and has clearly been taken from the nhs website http://www.nhscareers.nhs.uk/explore-by-career/healthcare-science/careers-in-healthcare-science/careers-in-life-sciences/biomedical-scientists/ plagerisim could get you blacklisted from university and is not worth the risk' I would like to be part of the system that supports such a major organisation. This is why I feel studying biomedical sciences would be the best option for me. This sentence seems redundant as the applicant is just rephrasing the previous sentence. This paragraph also needs more added to it expanding on why the applicant wants to do this course from an academic point of view.

My passion over-used word in PSs for the sciences and understanding of the world around us and how it all works Wordy, could be condensed. Also, this statement is too vague. What aspect of how the world works? There is more to how the world works than medicine has only been enhanced by studying  this is unnecessary biology and chemistry. While it may help you understand things, it doesn’t automatically mean you are interested in it. The focus should be on the interest in these subjects and their relation to medicine  Chemistry is a challenging course, however a sentence doesn’t work well with ‘however’ in the middle I find that it has increased my interest in the subject by applying itself to many aspects of real life situations, especially medicine and the production of drugs. This needs to be more specific By studying biology, remove the full stop – proofread your PS so that it makes sense grammatically! I feel that I have much better comprehension of the living organisms around us and the intricate and elegant Choose one, you don't have that much space!systems that  allows us  to survive . The most important question to answer is ‘why?’. Why is this interesting? You need to be interested in it if you’re going to study it for 3 years! Outside of school, comma needed here I like to further my scientific knowledge  The applicant is repeating themselves by reading journals such as ”New Scientist” and the ”Student BMJ”. The titles of publications should have “ around them. This should also be expanded on, to talk about articles of interest and why they are interesting. The “Student BMJ” is more aimed at doctors, so it may be good to talk about something more science-based

Studying maths  not necessary has helped me approach and deal with situations in a more logical way, which is essential when wanting to study  not necessary a scientific course . Also, studying This word has been used a few times now, should be replaced with a synonym history in depth  has increased my critical thinking skills, especially when approaching sources of information and research. By studying a humanity, comma needed here I believe that I am offered sounds too passive various different perspectives that I may not have previously considered. I’m not sure what different perspectives A Level History would add to biomedical science. Applicants often feel the need to mention all of their school subjects and say how relevant they are to their degree - they don't. The uni will be well aware that the exam syllabus of history means applicants will improve their critical thinking skills etc, they don't need to be told this as every applicant with a level history has too. Unless their school subjects are overly relevant to the degree (e.g.: coursework) then it doesn’t need to be mentioned.

The modules I would be most interested in studying are psychology and neuroscience, This begs the question ‘so why isn't the applicant doing dual honours in those?’ Also, be careful that all your chosen unis offer modules in these, otherwise they’ll wonder why you are applying to them and whether you are interested in their course and would be hoping to specialise in these areas either after my first year of study or after my degree. This doesn’t sound like the applicant knows what is involved in a biomedical science degree I would also be interested during the course to take on a language module. As I already speak Romanian fluently, I would love the opportunity to speak another modern language, for example, Spanish. Not only are modern languages very important, but it would also be a challenge to manage on top of my degree, however I feel that I would be able to handle it well. Irrelevant to biomedical science

 As a history prefect overly wordy I try to encourage the younger years  no need to be specific to attend the lower school history club. Is this all the applicant's responsibility as a history prefect? What skills has the applicant gained from this i.e. communication skills I have also set up my own history media club for the GCSE years, comma needed here where we watch historically related films and discuss them by comparing them to the actual historical event. All this talk on being a history prefect makes me wonder why they aren’t applying for a history degree! On a weekly basis, comma needed here I also attend a debating society ; not necessary this allows me to develop several key skills which are essential in life focus on why it’s important for the degree such as the ability to communicate clearly. This is overly wordy

I have work experience in several medical environments, ten days at Kings College Hospital it isn’t necessary to name the hospital in a general medical ward, working mainly with the student nurses and the health care assistants to help look after patients but also, I shadowed a consultant and observed several colonoscopies and endoscopies as well as spending a morning observing on the diabetic foot clinic. This sentence is too long. What did you learn from this related to biomedical science? [merged paragraphs – this one is too short and all similar things should be together]Another hospital I went to for several days, was St. Thomas’ Hospital where I was in the Lane Fox respiratory unit. There I observed several bronchoscopies, and also shadowed the technicians, learning about the equipment that was being used on the intensive care unit. How does this relate to biomedical sciences as opposed to medicine? What sort of tests were run? How did the ward interact with the pathology laboratory? In addition to this, comma needed here I worked at a GP surgery for a week, working with different staff, including the reception staff, the nurse and also sitting in with the doctor during sessions and going on home visits. All of this experience seems to point to the applicant wanting to study medicine, but seeing it as too competitive. The admissions tutors don’t want to be seen as ‘second choice’, so this would be best removed, or focusing on the laboratory testing side of things They were all valuable experiences that led me to observe the doctor-patient relationship in hospitals and in primary care. As a biomedical scientist you will not be involved in primary care – this is unnecessary I also noticed and observed the importance of the technicians other staff Other than who? on the wards, and how the whole team worked together efficiently to maximize the recovery of the patients. This needs more of a biomedicine spin on it.

Being simultaneously interesting and diverse, biomedical sciences is a course I would love to study as it would further develop and fulfil my already inquiring mind with regard to the sciences. This conclusion is weak and needs expanding and is rather clichéd.


Article by TSR User on Thursday 15 February 2018

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Your personal statement is an important part of your application to Oxford. It allows you to tell us about your interests, achievements and ambitions in your own words. Although we do not formally score your statement we read it carefully and use the information it contains as part of our short-listing exercise. If you are invited for interview, the statement is likely to provide a focus for the questions that you are asked. It is therefore essential that your statement is an accurate, unembellished account of your activities. We may check the claims that you make on your statement: discovery of fabricated or exaggerated material – during the admissions exercise, or even later on during your time as a student – may bring into question your suitability to study on the course.

Present yourself in the best light: the same basic facts about yourself (in terms of education, interests, experience), when presented differently, can quite dramatically convey positive or negative messages about you to tutors.

For Biomedical Sciences, whilst your academic record and BMAT performance data will come into play when candidates are being short-listed for interview, time spent in drafting an effective personal statement should also help your overall chances of success. Every detail becomes even more important once you have reached the interviews and are being considered for a place.

DO NOT BE SHY IN DECLARING ANY MITIGATING CIRCUMSTANCES

These may help us to put your achievements or personality within a finer context. We actively look for reasons why you may have under-performed in examinations, or performed well against the odds. These may be factors associated with your schooling, health or domestic circumstances. If you are returning to study after a break, or switching vocation, it is even more important to highlight your reasons for choosing a course at Oxford, and for you to demonstrate your determination, resilience, ability and commitment.

DO NOT SIMPLY RECOUNT EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE

We’re looking for quality, not quantity! Remember that large numbers of candidates apply for our courses. Tell us in what ways you will stand out from the crowd. In choosing to talk about an activity, describe what you have drawn from the experience: has it changed you as a person? Did it surprise you?

WE WANT TO LEARN ABOUT YOU AS A PERSON, NOT JUST ABOUT YOUR ACADEMIC QUALIFICATIONS

If you have undertaken extra-curricular activities, or hold positions of responsibility at school, tell us why you sought these, and why they are important to you. You will not impress us by simply recounting that you took up a placement in Thailand, but we might be more appreciative if you tell us what you personally learnt from the experience, about your interaction with local people, and about shadowing the medical team working within your village.

Example: I have become involved with a city music and drama group, and work especially with the younger members. I find this exciting and more than occasionally challenging. Coaching for the group has given me experience in organising others, as well as teaching them. Watching group members learn and progress is thrilling, especially in the case of one of them who has ADHD. At first he was incapable of remaining still, silent or attentive for even a few minutes, but eventually became far more focused and calmer, making excellent progress in many areas.

DIRECTLY ADDRESS OUR SELECTION CRITERIA

  • Motivation and capacity for sustained and intense work.

Example: My interest has always been in how the body works in the way it does, and why. This was triggered early on by my mother's cancer, and I felt compelled to find out all about this condition, and what could be done to help treat it. I am thirsty for new knowledge, and am fascinated by the interrelatedness of systems in the human body.

  • A strong track record of academic achievement, and particular ability and potential in science and/or mathematics. An excellent record at GCSE (or equivalent).
  • Intellectual curiosity and enthusiasm and readiness to cope with the academic demands of the course.

Example: I read beyond the syllabus topics covered at A-level extensively, and decided to research and write an extended essay discussing ethics and science, with particular emphasis on 'living wills'. I enjoyed the challenge and discipline of studying independently, and follow recent developments and debate in this area.

  • Reasoning and problem solving ability: use of a logical and critical approach, and strong powers of analysis.
  • Communication: Good command of the English language. Ability to express ideas clearly and effectively. Ability to listen.

Example 1: I have worked as a hotel waitress during the summer conference season, which allowed me to develop teamwork skills, and work under various time pressures. It also allowed me to interact with many different members of the public.

Example 2: I took part in my school's open day, and demonstrated experiments in the Chemistry lab. During the last year I have also participated in a reading scheme, helping younger pupils with learning difficulties.

  • Ability to generate own ideas and proposals. Originality and creativity of thought, lateral thinking and hypothesis-generation.

YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE IN TRYING TO OPEN WITH AN ATTENTION-GRABBING INTRODUCTION...

If you try this, make sure it helps tutors to learn something about what motivates and enthuses you.

Example: My vast collection of books and videos on "How the Body Works" when I was 7 years old first triggered my interest in the functions of the body. Watching the little personified, cartoon blobs that represented red blood cells run around an animated yet functioning body fascinated me and I longed to find out more. As a result, when a friend received a letter explaining their little girl had just been diagnosed with X at just 14 months old, I was intrigued to find out what this was.

THE STATEMENT IS CALLED PERSONAL FOR A REASON

It should be written by you, not by your parents, siblings, or teachers. Do not plagiarise material that you find on the web as there is a great chance that such deception will be discovered.

DO NOT FEEL THAT THERE IS A PRECISE TEMPLATE TO FOLLOW THAT WILL SCORE YOU POINTS

We look for bright and independent thinkers, so try to be original!

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